Knocking on Heaven's door
by MariaBellatrix
Summary: Set after OotP!SPOILERS! How is Remus Lupin feeling after his best friend's death.


Knocking on Heaven's door

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The song, Knockin' on Heaven's Door belongs to Guns'n'Roses.  
This is my first songfic!

I sat slowly on my chair. I was there and I couldn't help him. All I managed to do was to stop Harry from going behind the veil. Now Sirius was gone. I was alone. I have always been alone. When James and Lily died, when I thought Peter was dead, when I learned that Sirius was in Azkaban and now when Sirius Black, Padfoot, my only friend left this earth.

I glance at the window and I only see darkness. Darkness was surrounding me. There was no light. There was no one to show me the road. I was all by myself. I hear people laughing, probably having fun. I too used to have fun. The Marauders, Quidditch, Prongs and Padfoot, Snivelly, so many memories....

These people didn't know. Sirius Black died tonight. Not Black, the prisoner who escaped from Azkaban but Padfoot a friend who died saving his godson.

I found life useless. Life was is unfair. Life took all my friends, life took all my happiness, and life only left me loneliness, sadness, memories...

Perhaps I should have locked up Sirius so he never should have left the house. If I had done that, Sirius would be alive.

_Mama take this badge from me  
I can't use it any more  
It's getting dark too dark to see  
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door_

I am still feeling that same feeling. That same feeling of emptiness every night I lost each of you. Isn't my life going to end? Will my turn finally arrive? Will I see you, my friends, again? My life is like a circle, it has neither beginning nor end.

_Kn-kn-knockin' on heaven's door  
Kn-knockin' on heaven's door  
Kn-knockin' on heaven's door  
Kn-knockin' on heaven's door_

I remember you my friends, because you are the only gift life gave me.

Our fate was not the same.

"In the beginning there were four Marauders.

James, you were the first to leave

But death was waiting for you at the corner,

Sirius, they took you away

But when you came back death greeted you,

Peter, your time will come

And the last face you shall see will be mine,

I am still here, and will probably lead this miserable life  
A hundred of years.  
But when my time comes,

I will meet you my friends

Prongs and Padfoot and nothing will separate us."

Remus looked at his hands. He had no strength anymore. He could not fight anymore.

Outside, the storm burst like marking his sadness. I can see a star shining in the dark sky. Sirius. Now, tell me have you found your place? Have you finally met your friends that the fate had removed you? But a cloud prevents me from seeing you shining.

_Mama put my guns in the ground  
I can't shoot them any more  
That cold black cloud is comin' down  
Feels like I'm knockin' on heaven's door_

My friends, James, Lily and Sirius, you are miles away from me.

I will do all in my power to avenge you from this rat which was the cause of your death James and Lily, this rat which would have had to be in your place in Azkaban, Sirius.

I can hear you two laugh at me.

"Moony, we have to tell you something really important! We found a new secret tunnel to Hogsmeade under the nose of Flinch!!!"

Now, here am I depressing. Everything is quiet and mournful. There is only Buckbeak and me. You used to feed him. Now that you're gone it's my turn to replace you. I will be as you wanted Harry's godfather; I will take care of your Hippogriff and I will make sure that your mother's portrait will keep quiet.

Dumbledore told me that I should have to cheer up. After all, we did catch almost all the Death-Eaters. Don't worry I will personally catch the one that escaped. I will show her what a werewolf is able to. I'll make her wish she was never born.

But there never will be anything that will erase you, Lily, James and Sirius from my memory.

I am here contemplating my lonely life.

Every beat of my heart means every time I miss you guys.

I don't know in how much time we will find again.

Who knows? Tomorrow, may be or next month? Perhaps I will survive this whole war. I'd give anything to see you to talk to you again. To hear you laugh one more time. To see you smile, once again, Lily.

_Kn-kn-knockin' on heaven's door  
Kn-knockin' on heaven's door  
Kn-knockin' on heaven's door  
Kn-knockin' on heaven's door_

I will have to learn to live on my own. I don't know if it would be luck if I get out of live alive.

I'll have to build my own future, without you.

I still have Harry. He's the only connection I have with you three. He reminds me of you James, mostly but he has your eyes Lily. When I see him, I think of him as your little brother, even if you never had one.

And every time I will wake up I'll think of you James, Lily and Sirius who wherever you are, I am sure of it, are watching me. I hope that you are proud of me as I am the only loyal Marauder who remains.

This world is worth fighting for you.

Here, ends another page of my life.

Here, my life takes another turn.

Here, I take another step forward.

_You just better start sniffin' your own  
rank subjugation jack cause it's just you  
against your tattered libido, the bank and  
the mortician, forever man and it wouldn't  
be luck if you could get out of life alive_

I think I am going to leave my sniffing behind me.

And simply let life go on.  
I am knocking on Heaven's door.

Kn-kn-knockin' on heaven's door


End file.
